ceteris paribus ....

i am craving for chocolate , i miss the godiva choco da ge give me ... and i already finish the whole box ... haha ... with some given to frens . today is a fine day , nuthing much to elaborate but i just to say i finally a a day of rest out of so many "down" time . okie tml i shall fight my battle again , i know i must okie ... ER n HMT report . so da ge i wun be able to msn with ya till friday alright n to the rest of msn pals ... n this fatti received such a wonderful gift that i envy COS I love that citigem box , can gimme ...sob sob ... haha .. alright i want to watch final destination 3 but no one seem to be free to acc me ... so how ? n finally sat is fatti b day , i want to wear nice ... since when is the last time i been to a party .horray...

Great according to L n fatti , i think they not my wish list is just my silly material wants ... right , i dun really need them , it is just some small thinking on my part . and for a moment i dun wish to see adri ... cos .... u make me so mighty depressed each time i meet ya ... what a fren u r and i dun dare to ask him out ... i am just angry at the way u r self torturing yourself ...

okie , i wanan to sing , i wannt ktv , hopefully kenny said after the 8th ... yeah ktv time again .. i just miss the familar ... vocal , the laughters n everything . thank ant for lending me the camera on comin sat ... thank u !!!

the test today alright , think i commit a stupid mistake ... okie nvm work harder . i miss someone else in my life , but hard to deny .... just know it is not meant to be anymore .


okie ...

lovereis ... love being flab fab ... i will eat more !!!

haunting ... nightmare

it has been weighing on my mind for some time . I felt i am tormented , that i am trying very hard to struggle . My eye bags had been heavier , cos insomina haunted me terribly . I wonders.... when was the last time was i seriously happy before ? i seriously can;t remember the happy times . Mundane lifestyle had transformed my solitary that is looming nearer and nearer . Tempers had worsen that i probably vent angers on pw without realising , breaks out had increased to the time i detest my mirror ... where do the stress come from ? I think i seriously need a good dose of endorphin drive ? I am beginning to feel "doubts" .... can anyone cheer me up ?


lovereis ...

The Wish

I think I haven been sleeping well , everyday is kind of 2am , it is like time to collapse sooner or later . what i need is some sleep .... n besides what is my birthday on da day when i still need to work ... so sian .

wishes :

1. Levis Vouchers ( copy cin ahaha -- hint !!! to fatti )
2. Kiehl 's whitening botanical range ( cleanser , toner , moisturer ) - normal - dry skin
3. A nice sling bag- crumpler teenie range ( red/blue) or projectshop ( black )
4. Zara Vouchers
5. A sony playstation 2 ( cos mine just break down)
6. Converse purcell edition - looking for navy blue with a uk flag edition- size 5
7. a "Crown " pendant ... with small diamantee design - round not flat type
8. welcome those body lotions/scrub sets /// heehee( bodyshop / the natural source)
9. chocolate hamper i dun mind haha .... anything -meltykiss , kitkat ,( dun like those with nuts oke)
10. Stussy T-shirts:>
11. Fujisu Laptop - S-series ( may be quite impossible)
12. Tiffy n co bracelet ... whoop !
13. ang bao also can( needed sponsers for mini travel+ studies fund)
14. A wireless mouse - mircosoft /logitech
15. 512 mb thumb drive ( no kingston)

ok finish compiling , any good soul , thank u !!!! tata



ok , these are my material wants

all the best .... silence prevails ...

A quote from a someone(fio) :

"You're the bird trapped in his cage. He wants to own you, but he's not treasuring you. He's keeping you by his side, but he's not cherishing time. It's as though he brings you out, parades to others and shows that you're his prized possession - but at home, he doesn't even remember your existence."

It was said that outsiders see things the clearest.

indeed ... so-called love itself it blind ... so blind ... that it lose it existence in my solidary . if life is a whirlwind , let it perish for once . take care my frens , wun be free to meet u all , msn , or anything , she is used to fighting for battle alone again :>tata ...


lovereis

"If he is not meant to be , no point hanging on ....waste of time n efforts, the game for the highly intellectual"

I had always perceived myself not to be rather highly intellectual or coming to terms with meeting retribution . The lesson I learnt is rather to appreciate what the one you love had done for u and recognised it . I presumed I am one lucky girl and better still i am "cold, cool and reserved again " , somehow great i can be myself . I feel the deepness of hurt , hatred , i realised solo ... on the track is great .

it had been circumstansing at times that if relationship din worked out , it's like both parties' faults . Yes , some truth contribute to it . But "think" what really create "cracks " in r/ship , if it is strong , it can withdstand everything , what is the probability of failure . Finally mend a frenship today , silly girls hiding everything cos of a guy ... what is the rationale behind . Never fall for someone your fren love ... it is not wrong , neither it is right ... but never fall for the same jerk ... he doesn;t deserve either one .

A linkage to the story behind : http://www.xanga.com/mscookiemonmon feb 18 , 06 entry .

I dun believe in guy ? do I ? having been through in and out of relationships .... have i gain much painful or delightful experience ... indeed . I believe a guy who know how to sweet talks is never reliable , a guy who flirt is a taboo , simply i despise them . nothing big deal about the power of words that serve to hurt people . Can't u guys grow up ?

I feel the loser ? the real one will be when u are in a relationship , can't u cherish him or her ? y realised when it is too late , when u feel that u r on top of the world and suddenly u fell to ground again.... isn;t that a great feeling . Simply

love clara , that is me sober

can;t stand"U" , u dun deserve a relationship at all . goodbye to my love , goodbye . Once cracks are form in glasses , no longer can it mend ?

haha ... so happy , nightmare ended , sweet dream

love who ?

Gotten work hard ... know myself

" Its takes time but for ashes to depersed and for scar to fade "

A great day to start off with , i am supposed to bring my SS note for Breado ... but she din come n collect eventually . Was looking forward for BK breakfast when ... erm ? fatfat forgot got to work today , took the wrong day for leave ... so i was already on bus 75 ... how ?

Decided to go np and meet breado then , but no reply , no sms , nuthing ... how ?
sms L lo ... and so happen he is around campus going home , so concidental ...
went for lunch at canteen 2 and really lucky he happened to drive his dad's car
so we went over to bukit timah hill area to stroll ... (hehe, was quite an experience )

he say " dun worry , won't take u to sell ". omg

he look super duper tall , really tall sia ... but look like those nature lover and to think i finally find someone who actually like mitchie reservoir , hoho , not a bad idea if next time can ask him along for jogging ?.

Din really stayed long till 12.30pm , this gentlemen drive me back to sch ... for my project , guess he like really tired ... oh n he sprained his neck ... i laughed thoughout but hopefully no retribution.

There goes my day ..::>
gambatte !!!!

clare

So sleepy ...

I admit I had been trying not to be sleepy .... clocking 14 hours a day ... my head is heavy ... but i still feel sleepy , bloaty and everything . I admit being a failure , being scolded and having been able to wake up from a dazed dream ...i did something , formulate a direction for my hmt essay and think should able to finish by today .... if not i wun want to sleep .

Maybe it is time to learn to forget gradually , it is really not meant to be together . cannot ta han already , choking me or suffocating me . din went out today or anything , i think i am not feeling very well . Dad cooked alot of things , he is on leave , happens bro also not going school and mum come home early . Evening time feeling pang of hunger when i woke up , i told dad i wanna maggi mee with egg ...

dad : " cannot eat egg liao , afternoon u already ate once , no more egg today ?"

me :" wah , i wun die from eating many eggs "
( i really like maggie mee with egg mah ..., it tasted nicer .")

dad`:" i think i add hotdog and other thing , but really cannot eat egg ."

me :" wah liew " !!!( angrily walked to my room)

finally the piling hot maggi mee arrived ..... my dad bring to my room .. wah liew ... guess what i still not very happy but i finished up ... haha ... even bro dun have this privilages ...

I love my family ....:>

just finished a novel , it wasn;t a good ending ....so hurtful .Da xiong evenually was alone but because of her ... he accomphlish her dream .... to be a pilot and fly with her soul in the sky ...if i really meet da xiong , i still chose him n not xing yi ....


lovereis ..

Realisation

".We are though ... finally got this over and happier..."

I met him ... yesterday , was happier when i meet him cos we were like old friends , not that I can be myself when i am with "him" and no matter what I know he will be there for me . Still , I wish him happiness in his newfound love . Infact , so much had happened between till I still trust his advice , he is right after all and i realise i feel like helping him / encouraging him . I feel my heart and asked : " Yes i am happier without "him" . He said " U changed , did i ?" infact when i met him , I was in my sunday best ... my classmate keep asking me who are u meeting ...

Yes , I am not confused , as if i been splashed some cold water by " Him " , grew sober and i guess " once bitter , twice shy " , he said i grown prettier like a fair lady ? ... was it a good compliment ? Not sure if valentine day should i spend with who? ... some friendly invitations .... here n there ...will it be misleading if it is just a dinner ? Probably I decided to spend this day with a pal ....or

wish that on valentine day , I would received" forget-me-not" . He said ..... i only like complimentary flora ... YEs ,

Clara simply love "forget-me-not" .... I only remember validy he always sent me white roses , blue roses , Sunflower .... and when he Tried to patch up .... he keep sending me flowers every day till i thrown it away in front of Him .

That's me , so devoid of feeling .... so heartless ... so cold .... again .
Yesterday i apologise ... did i ? sincerely in my heart .... I knoe He cares instead i told Him " Thank ya " .for nothing and thanks to "Him" , i gradually accept reality .

I am SoRRY

Dazed this morning , feel like dragging myself to school today . Nothing much to do except ER lecture which was tiring cos I really feels i could " snapped" anytime . Nothing thrilled me anymore , more mugging in school to do . The solitary sometimes pleases me .

okie , the usual went for project meeting and then we ended up with not much progress ... shirin was sick and proceed as usual . then karen n su went home , this very nice guy zhirong accompanied me till evening time , went window shopping around marina square ... feels some changes in the interior . Thanks ... I just feel he is a good fren to hang out around and yup saw wivi ... she is still so cute . Did something "bad" today, sorry lp ... i dunno if i am doing something wrong , but if it din worked out, than punished me bah .... :<>

somehow i am beginning to understands that i wanna a rest ...it is just tiring mangling among the blues and realising he is not the one , it is funny till i experienced something heart thumpin again ... is this for real ... omg ... pls spare me !

lovereis ... y so fickleminded ?

Studious ... gastric pain again

Feel gastric juice pumping up .... really pains like hell ...

y can't circumstances reflect better ?

i wanna to scream

"Selfishness do indeed bring u no where but misery "

and does all thing end with kissing goodbyes....

and who really understands me ?

beneath that layer of resistance within

just the sheer of numbness thrilled me now

cos it no longer matters anymore...

lovereis

Suqi all the best ! The strongest !

Was home at 1am and Din slept till 4am plus morning , wondering about my current status , just return from suqi's house and then ..... more going for marketing class this morning . My physical had sheered all my exhaustion though i still must said i will Miss ya Suqi !!! my beloved jie mei ... for 7 years ? she is the gung-ho type of females which i think she will be there working harder than ever and come back with a good prospect !!! our binding agreement must succeed .

It was raining when i took the cab home ... guess heaven still shed tears for us , not to mention when joyce was the first to say goodbye with her thin-striken back and all the more it is now our turns to take care of ourselves . Thank qi for taking care of me n joyce all these years ....

What I managed to do today? managed to form my marketing project group finally , a grp of 5 people ( yuling , huimin , me , caihong , nick ) and it had been fascinating of course . Yuling asked me wanna to join them for researching , maybe tml bah ... i am too tired ...

Afternoon , went aunt's house , supposely just want to find a shelter to sleep in and in the end , we chatted till evening when karen come home ... and then i realised so many people loved me . like i din know my da ge tian cried when i couldn't hear the tv even it is tuned to the highest volume .... he worried .

Of course , i understand my relationship life is a utterly question marks when i spoken to aunt about it , she said she wanted me to find a good man and bring him back for her to see . She was adamant and right ... the elder is always the wiser .... i knew when i told her i bare my heart out ... i knew i am happy , i knew I dun want any burden :> Suqi's spirit right ar ! i wanna to be strong like her . I finally deleted everything , cleared almost everything . Yes , " she" is truely blissful now .... for herself , no longer see him as just a broken piece of glass .

B day .. celebrations , sorry in case those invitation i extended to , i made a decision not to celebrate cos 21st is just another day ! Thank u for all concerned ..... "she" just burden free and all the best !

be it all , i realised the personal goal we are all driving at is to be yourself , to follow our wish .

All the best . i will worked harder !

Ming Hui , Ming Zhen and Suqi ..... I love you !

my 21st dilemma

Afternoon , head spinning , having the worst of headaches probably not enough sleep , feel some heaviness . Firstly not sure if I need to hold a birthday celebration and my hmt essay is haunting me till i can't sleep till 3am last night .......can anyone rescue me from distress ...

happy 21st birthday yen !!!!

Class proceeded as per normal today and I was thinking about myself juggling my schedules and studies . Great , as today finally really get down to actual studying of my marketing notes and also done the tutorial due on monday . Now I need to really get down to summarising my history of management thought .

Lunch today was pretty fine , happy 21st b day to yen ..!!! she treat me to gelare ice-cream which was too sweet( we both agreed) and then I got myself a jacket . Proceeding , she went to The balcony to celebrate her b day with her uni frens while i went home . Finally settled down for tv , the conversation with yen today was great about life , relationship and probably her upcoming exchange programme in june to new zealand . Really sad now suqi is leaving me very soon , need to bid her farewell on 06 feb monday 11pm . i feel really sad is all i can say . I guess i need to hold backs the tears , joyce wun be joining us at the airport , sad ..

Have a nice phone conversation with her asking if she is free to meet , probably sunday then . i feel not justified in thinking she is really leaving very soon . intend to get a tailsman tml from the temple for safe journey and guess i am just trying to aid her as much as i can . i know i am being sentimental but i am beginning to treat frenship as really important and something that matters to me now . i simpley adored my frens ,thank them for being there all these whiles .

take care .
lovereis