the silent scream

i realised i am not a good storyteller after all ... everytime i lied , i ponder... erm ... and someone will realise . if life is taken at a differ perceptive , i wish i could be a happy go lucky gal . did i .? the past had been a terrible punishment when i do my confession why my relationships failed cos i am a distorted mirror image of myself and the past hasn;t been easy . it din hinder me ? being physcially abuse , or emotionally blackmailed by a guy i used to love so much .... i feel someone is going to suffer at the same fate as me and i can;t do anything . i dun understand why ppl abuse ppl when life is fragile ... and emotionally threatened ya for years ... did i manage to overcome all these ... i think i muster alot of courage . i noted one day i bring my dairy to weiwei saying " i probably will die anytime , pls keep all these things in the envelope , if i ever die , pls pass to my parents okie ". subconsciously i knew i probbably can never make it tml . even time may had the healing effect .... gals pls note if a guy beat u , pls break up with him , cos he dun deserve u ....and thank to my foolishness , my over protection of my family , my gulity for hiding this .... i feel today i really want to blog this out cos i no longer could restainst my sanity... any longer i am going to watch history repeat . it is not as if i din tried to forgive him , i thought he will change but time prevails ... the physical and mental torture i underwent was simply i dun even realise when can i carry this burden . Till now , i dun even think he had given up this emotional blackmailed ... when he apologized ... i dun feel a thing , he owe me , my physical body seem rotten ... cos the wound , the injury tainted myself ...i simply love my family too much to tell them what happened till the day i end this ....... my mum finally found out ... yup she did went to confront him but she simply dun believe ....... my wounds had faded...finally ...the physical abuse n the hurtful words ... dun be bothered okie .. br strong .

lovereis