lamenting .....

I admit i am getting addicted to caffine ,just last night i toss n turn at 3am I am still staring in the air . it's wasn;t a good start to begin with , and i chatted with my special fren till 2am and he had to work tml .

Feel so gulity about the starbuck's , sorry lp , i just want a bit of indulgence ,:< .... but to think i realise i was chided by him ... haiz . my saturday was spolit , staying at home , staring into spaces and i had tried to organise the mountain full of references to be read ... + the textbooks i borrowed and everything which i felt i am trying . The raining had been most dampening , of all i felt rainy season always come at the wrong time . Someone told me marriage is a liability .... that set me thinking was marriage for fickleminded individuals like me ? I am starting to detest myself , I wonder why does life keep us struggling and no one understands . When had fate come and gone at a times like this ?

" why do someone say sorry when it is the last straw ?"

I realised I am disillusioned by myself , living a double-lives , imagine one minutes i am the reserved cool, attitude problem person and the next minutes I am carrying my mask smiling around saying "h" to stranger ? which is scary to me , the mirror reflect my split personalities ... i can't saw any happiness ... dun blame me , cos i see more clearly than before .

why do people keep worrying ? i lamented that it is because of responsibilities toward others , commitment or even attachment to human beings. I feel so gulity about the things i had done to other.....